Taking giving someone a bag to a new level... Thief Steals Poop From Woman Walking Dog
Thu Mar 31, 2005 - AP

SAN DIEGO - This mugger was left holding a bag he didn't really want.

Police said they were searching for a gunman who ran up to a woman while she was walking her dog Monday night and grabbed the bag she was holding. It contained poop.  ¶ 4:00 PM

  No need to move to Kentucky after all... First Cousins Get Married in Maryland
Tue Mar 29, 2005 - AP

ALTOONA, Pa. - First cousins who were denied a marriage license by a Pennsylvania judge earlier this month were wed in a civil ceremony in Maryland, the couple said Monday.  ¶ 8:24 PM

  Another dangerous Chihuahua story??? Uh oh... Chihuahua Terrorizes Ind. Postal Workers
March 28, 2005 - Associated Press

HOBART, Ind. - While there's nothing special about U.S. Postal Service workers being terrorized by dogs, the size of one here is raising eyebrows.

Mail carriers said they were recently unable to deliver mail to homes along a section of Guyer Street in this northwestern Indiana city because of a 4.5-pound Chihuahua named Bobo.  ¶ 9:24 AM

  Silly wabbit! Easter Bunny Gets Pummeled by Boy at Mall
Sat Mar 26, 2005 - AP

BAY CITY, Mich. - The Easter Bunny is hopping mad. Bryan Johnson, who portrays the furry character at the Bay City Mall, says he was pummeled in an unprovoked attack on the job. Police say the attacker was a 12-year-old boy who sat on Johnson's lap the day before the March 18 incident.  ¶ 9:51 PM

  From the "Why-Didn't-I-Think-of-That?" Department
Uncle Booger's Bumper Dumper...   ¶ 9:57 AM

  We don't need no stinkin' election! Council Members Vote Without Re-Election
Thu Mar 24, 2005- AP

LENHARTSVILLE, Pa. - Borough council members LuAnn Wanamaker and Roy A. Hein attended meetings and voted on issues for about 15 months before anyone noticed they had neglected to stand for re-election in 2003.  ¶ 9:48 AM

  It pays to study before a test... Mom Asks for Sobriety Test, Then Fails
Thu Mar 24, 2005 - AP

ALBION, N.Y. - When Diane Viza got into an argument with her son over whether she was sober, she drove to the local police station asked to take a sobriety test. That turned out to be a bad idea.

The 45-year-old woman was charged with driving while intoxicated after she showed up at the police station in the Orleans County village of Albion and asked officers to administer a breath test.  ¶ 9:45 AM

  Who's writing these headlines, Howard Stern? Insurance.com Ads Do It Doggy Style
March 24, 2005 - Insurance Journal  ¶ 12:31 PM

  Big solution to a small problem... Woman gets 30 days in jail in Chihuahua's shotgun death
March 23, 2005
The Associated Press

NAPLES, Fla. - A southwest Florida woman was sentenced to 30 days in jail for killing her neighbor's Chihuahua with a shotgun, telling the dog's owner in court that she was scared when it attacked her.  ¶ 9:50 AM

  Multi-millionaire authority on poverty... what am I missing here? Edwards Starts Job At N.C. Law School
March 23, 2005 - Associated Press

(Chapel Hill) - John Edwards, the former Democratic vice-presidential candidate, just started his part-time work for UNC Chapel Hill's new Center on Poverty, Work and Opportunity.  ¶ 9:46 AM

  That's because there was no evolution in South Carolina... IMAX movie about volcanoes banned in South because it mentions evolution
March 23, 2005 - Associated Press

CHARLESTON, S.C. -— IMAX theaters in several Southern cities have decided not to show a film on volcanoes out of concern that its references to evolution might offend those with fundamental religious beliefs.  ¶ 9:42 AM

  Look out, Starbucks! No time for a cuppa? Pop a "tea pill"
Wed Mar 23, 2005 - Reuters

GUWAHATI, India (Reuters) - Feel like a cup of tea, but don't have the time to brew one up? Pop a "tea pill" instead.

Indian tea scientists have produced a tea-flavoured pill that can be chewed or quickly dissolved in hot or cold water.  ¶ 7:08 AM

  iPod, therefore I am... No more songs in their pockets: school bans iPods
By Linda Doherty and Jordan Baker
Sydney Morning Herald
March 22, 2005

The teenagers' gadget of choice, the iPod, has been banned by a Sydney private school because they lead to "social isolation."

The principal of International Grammar School, Kerrie Murphy, said her decision to ban the palm-sized stereos, which can hold up to 10,000 songs, coincided with the international debate on how "people were not tuning into other people because they're tuned into themselves."  ¶ 9:40 AM

  Mondo cane...
As if there aren't enough dogs around already, here's a robotic dog that can be controlled with your cellphone. So, if you don't have a dog to allow out without a leash, now you do. Just watch where you step.   ¶ 9:37 AM

  A newsfeed! Take a look above. I've added a newsfeed for those who use news aggregators. Just paste the URL into the aggregator as a new channel...  ¶ 8:50 AM

  It was only a matter of time... Easter Bunny Arrested For Harassment
March 21, 2005

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa -- Council Bluffs, Iowa, police say the Easter Bunny has hopped his way to jail.

Authorities say they got a call Saturday afternoon about a man dressed as the Easter Bunny who was causing a disturbance at a local mall.  ¶ 3:28 PM

  Six munce ago I couldn't even spell "loiyer." Now I are one.
Bar exam does not include a spelling test...   ¶ 12:05 PM

  Double your pleasure, double your... Chewing gum can 'enhance breasts'
March 18, 2005
BBC News

A chewing gum which the makers say can help enhance the size, shape and tone of the breasts has proved to be a big hit in Japan.

B2Up says its Bust-Up gum, when chewed three or four times a day, can also help improve circulation, reduce stress and fight ageing.  ¶ 9:21 AM

  Oh, no! Not again! (See the Feb. 23 Nebraska post...) Burning Cow Dung Starts Colorado Wildfire
Fri Mar 18, 2005 - AP

LONGMONT, Colo. - Authorities are investigating whether Forest Service workers can be charged with arson for a 900-acre wildfire that was ignited after gusty winds carried flaming cow dung outside a controlled burn site.  ¶ 1:30 PM

  I liked it better when people saw the Virgin Mary... 'Satan' Said to Appear on Turtle's Shell
Fri Mar 18, 1:32 PM ET
AP

MICHIGANTOWN, Ind. - Could it be... Satan? A central Indiana pet shop owner says a turtle that was the only animal to survive an October fire has developed an image of Satan's face on its shell.

Bryan Dora says it looks like the devil wants us to know that he was there.  ¶ 12:43 PM

  Stupid lawyer tricks First, you have to be familiar with Madison County, Illinois, an infamous venue for all manner of frivolous lawsuits, including everyone's favorite lawsuits to hate, class actions. If you know that, then you have to love this story from the Madison Record. How would you like to be represented by this genius?

"Alton attorney Emert Wyss thought he could make money in a Madison County class action lawsuit, but he accidentally sued himself instead." Representing a client who'd bought and then refinanced a house, Wyss advised her that she might be entitled to file a lawsuit against the company that wrote the original mortgage over the $60 fee it charged for faxing two payoff statements, and soon signed her up for a class-action suit to be handled by himself and several other law firms, including the prominent Lakin firm. However, it developed that a company called Centerre Title, owned by Wyss himself, had been the party that collected the allegedly improper fees at closing, and when the mortgage-company defendant learned of this it moved to add both Centerre and Wyss as third-party defendants, much as Jerry, in the old cartoons, sometimes succeeds in bringing Tom's tail around in circular fashion and presenting it for him to bite. The judge granted the motion, and rather than persist in a suit against himself Wyss resigned the client's representation. The Madison County Record's coverage includes deposition-transcript excerpts that serve as a reminder of how essentially passive clients often get steered into class actions in which the lawyers are the real parties in interest (Steve Corris, "Alton attorney accidentally sues himself", Madison County Record, Mar. 8).

Thanks to Walter Olson at Overlawyered.com.  ¶ 9:05 PM

  Just move to Kentucky... Judge Refuses to Let Cousins Marry
March 18, 2005
By The Associated Press

HOLLIDAYSBURG, Pa. - A county judge refused to make an exception for two first cousins who want to marry, even though the couple assured the judge they don't want to have children.

Blair County Judge Jolene Kopriva on Thursday denied the marriage license application for first cousins Eleanor Amrhein, 46, and Donald W. Andrews Sr., 39, of Logan Township.  ¶ 9:16 AM

  Or are you just happy to see me? Police Charge Man for Flashing With Banana
March 18, 2005
AP

GREENWICH, Conn. - A former Stamford police officer has been charged with lewd conduct involving a toy banana. Arthur Bertana, 62, who had been on probation for lewd conduct more than four years ago, was arrested Saturday after police said he placed a toy banana in his pants and flashed people.  ¶ 9:12 AM

  Momma, don't let your babies grow up to be Texas interior decorators Houston's Beer Can House to Be Restored
March 17, 2005 - Associated Press

HOUSTON - An art endowment will keep a Houston home decorated with thousands of flattened beer cans from facing its last call. Beer-lover John Milkovisch attached the cans to his house over a 20-year period as an alternative to more traditional home repair. He also made beer can fences and garlands to hang from his roof.

The home was becoming a nationally celebrated folk-art site when the Southern Pacific upholsterer died in 1988 at 75, but has suffered years of decline. Now, with a $125,000 Houston Endowment grant to the Orange Show Center for Visionary Art, efforts to restore the home are on the fast track.

"The Beer Can House represents the sort of idiosyncratic individualism that Houstonians and Texans pride themselves on," said Emily Todd, the endowment's grant officer.  ¶ 2:26 PM

  Make you own baaaad joke here... Football Player Caught With Stolen Sheep
Wed Mar 16,2005 - Associated Press

CORVALLIS, Ore. - An Oregon State football had a stolen sheep in the bed of his pickup when he was pulled over for speeding last week, Benton County authorities said.  ¶ 2:20 PM

  The acorn never falls far from the tree... Parents Don't Show Up for Truancy Meeting
Thu Mar 17,10:20 AM ET
By The Associated Press

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. - Prosecutors summoned parents of repeatedly truant children to attend a meeting about the law concerning excessive absences. About 40 percent of the adults didn't show up.  ¶ 2:18 PM

  For Christ's sake, it's fiction! Top Cardinal Blasts 'Da Vinci Code' as 'Cheap Lies'

ROME (Reuters) - A top Catholic cardinal has blasted "The Da Vinci Code" as a "gross and absurd" distortion of history and said Catholic bookstores should take the bestseller off their shelves because it is full of "cheap lies."

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, in an interview with the Milan newspaper Il Giornale, became the highest ranking Italian Churchman to speak out against the book, an international blockbuster that has sold millions of copies.

"(It) aims to discredit the Church and its history through gross and absurd manipulations," Bertone, the archbishop of the northern Italian city of Genoa and a close friend of Pope John Paul told the paper in its Monday edition.  ¶ 1:15 PM