Too good to pass up... What a super jab at that pompous, arrogant Arianna Huffington by Guardian Unlimited:

With friends like these ...

US socialite and journalist Arianna Huffington is to launch a super blog featuring contributions by a host of her celebrity chums, from Gwyneth Paltrow to Norman Mailer. Tim Dowling got a preview

Wednesday April 27, 2005
The Guardian

Welcome!!!!! posted by "Huff" on Mon May 9 2005 at 09:00 PDT
Hi everybody! Allow me to introduce my innovative new publishing venture, a groundbreaking "group blog", where over 250 creative minds from every corner of my Rolodex weigh in on topics ranging from the political to the personal, and anything in between! Well, that's enough from me - let's blog!

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Great New Experiment in Democracy, posted by "Huff" on Mon May 9 at 09:02 PDT
The "blogosphere" is the biggest leap forward in journalism since the days of Tom Paine, a unique opportunity to tap directly into the cultural bloodstream. But I'm not here to put words in anyone's mouth, I'm just providing the megaphone!

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A New Kind of Communication, posted by "Huff" on Mon May 9 at 09:07 PDT
Instant, interactive, intelligent, informed; reaching out across the political spectrum. What? Did everybody forget their passwords already?

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I can't think of anything to say, posted by G Paltrow on Mon May 9 at 09:21 PDT
Arianna: its rlly uncool whn my cell rings during pilates. i said id post whn & if i had something to say. rt now im just too busy. stop bugging me.

Gwynniex

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Another Cutting Edge Contribution, posted by "Huff" on Mon May 9 at 09:23 PDT
Cantankerous, unafraid and always outspoken, that's Gwyneth (Paltrow) to a tee! You can expect to be hearing a lot more from her on Huffingtonpost.com, on a whole variety of subjects!

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Does anyone know how to get red wine stains out of a wool carpet? posted by NORMAN MAILER on Mon May 9 at 10:14 PDT
I'm screwed if my wife sees this. I'm not even supposed to drink in that room. I've been scrubbing but that just seems to spread the stain around. A quick answer would be most appreciated.

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I think I'm going to run for president, posted by WarrenBeatty on Mon May 9 at 10:39 PDT
You heard it here first, people. The official announcement will be on Jay Leno on Wednesday. Most of you know that I've been actively interested in politics for many years, but recent events in our country have finally made me realise that someone has got to take a stand. I know I can count on your support. Oh hang on, I've got a fridge being delivered that day. Forget about it.

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This is so blogciting, posted by Tina Brown on Mon May 9 at 11:04 PDT
Today we are entering a new paradigm: the energy and passion that I see on this mega-blog will ensure that it becomes not just the premiere electro-salon of the liberal elite, but the soul-search engine for the entire Alter-net. In today's fast-moving, cross-pollinating media perfect storm we don't always want considered essays or spelled-out arguments. Sometimes we just want to say "Bush sucks". Although his wife is really sweet.

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Re: Does anyone know how to get red wine stains out of a wool carpet? posted by BarryDillerCEO.IAC/InterActiveCrop on Mon May 9 at 11:17 PDT
pour white wine over it & then blot GENTLY with a clean cloth. Rinse with warm water & repeat until gone. Whatever you do, don't rub. Who's got a good sourdough bread recipe, btw? The last loaf I made was like a paving stone.

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I know I'm just providing the megaphone but. posted by "Huff" on Mon May 9 2005 at 11:34 PDT
perhaps I could suggest a topic? The president's proposals for private investment accounts are aimed at improving the long-term solvency of social security, but does it come at too high a price, namely sacrificing the commitment to guarantied benefits?

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Dear hopeless liberals, Posted by David "Axis of Evil" Frum on Mon May 9 2005 at 11:45 PDT
Unless you got to that stain right away, white wine ain't gonna do jack. You need BLEACH and plenty of it, and you need to rub hard. Hope this doesn't shatter your cosy little worldview.

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OH MY GOD ARIANNA Posted by G Paltrow on Mon May 9 2005 at 12:22 PDT
Did you just like take that text I sent you and post it on your stupid frigging blog? That was private! How dare you! Don't post this email either!

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Whoops! The fridge is coming today! Posted by WarrenBeatty on Mon May 9 2005 at 13:09 PDT
They just called. So I guess I can announce my candidacy on wed after all, but now I don't really feel like it. Hi Gwynnie! Hi Norman! What's everyone having for lunch?

comments 0 :: trackbacks 0 :: post a comment  ¶ 3:13 PM

  Bad taste or is it just my me?
A must-have product, if I've ever seen one...  ¶ 4:49 PM

  Oh, give me a home, where the... Herd of Buffalo Disrupts Traffic in Md.
April 26, 2005 - AP

Tennis,anyone?

PIKESVILLE, Md. - A herd of buffalo somehow got loose and wandered around an upscale neighborhood Tuesday, disrupting traffic and alarming homeowners before officers managed to corral them in a tennis court.

More than a dozen police cars and a police helicopter were used to herd the roughly 10 beasts, authorities said.  ¶ 4:26 PM

  It gets lonely in Crawford...   ¶ 9:57 AM

  It's safe to drink, right? Flesh Chunks Found in Iowa Water Lines
Mon Apr 25, 2005 - AP

CARROLL, Iowa - City officials are perplexed over the discovery of mysterious chunks of flesh that have been clogging up city water lines. A month ago, city officials sent a hunk of meaty-fatty tissue to the Iowa Department of Natural Resources for identification.

As they wait for those results, three similar chunks of fleshy material were found on Thursday in another water main during routine flushing, Public Works Director Randy Krauel said.

Krauel said drinking water was not affected by the blockages and is safe to drink.  ¶ 9:33 AM

  Toads Explode, Load Road Exploding toads baffle German experts
Sat Apr 23, 2005 - AP

BERLIN (AFP) - Hundreds of toads have met a bizarre and sinister end in Germany in recent days, it was reported: they exploded.

According to reports from animal welfare workers and veterinarians as many as a thousand of the amphibians have perished after their bodies swelled to bursting point and their entrails were propelled for up to a metre (three feet).  ¶ 12:34 PM

  I've heard of write-in candidates, but never stand-ins... Candidate Admits Using Twin as Stand-In
Fri Apr 22, 2005 - Reuters

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Reuters) - The leading candidate for mayor of San Antonio admitted on Thursday using his twin brother as a stand-in at a civic event without telling anyone it was not him.

Julian Castro, a 30-year-old city councilman, said brother Joaquin, his identical twin, rode for him in the annual River Parade through downtown San Antonio on Monday.  ¶ 6:04 PM

  As Abe Lincoln said, "A man who represents himself has a fool for a client." Man Who Represented Himself Appeals Competence Of Attorney
April 6, 2005 - AP  ¶ 10:52 PM

  Oh no! Not another Norwegian joke! Lack of Rowing Skills Sinks Two Thieves
Apr 21, 2005 - AP

The two Norwegians thought they had the perfect escape vehicle for their heist — a rowboat. They overlooked one thing: Neither knew how to row a boat.

Their paddling attempts were hopeless, police said. "They didn't have much of a chance," Deputy Sheriff Arnt Johnny Langeland said on the state radio network NRK. "They were rowing in opposite directions."  ¶ 2:55 PM

  What's with all these strange gun stories? Officer on Toilet Accidentally Fires Gun
Fri Apr 22, 205 - AP

This is one story they'll be telling around the San Antonio Police Department for a long time. An off-duty officer was at a San Antonio auto auction house yesterday when nature called, a police spokesman said.

Officer Craig Clancy strolled to the appropriate facility and was lowering his trousers when his pistol fell from his waistband. When Clancy fumbled for the falling firearm, it went off, twice.

One of the bullets nicked a bit of floor tile into the leg of a man who was washing his hands nearby. That man was taken to a nearby hospital for treatment.

Police internal affairs is investigating.  ¶ 2:50 PM

  No, no. That's not what I meant by "shooting a moon"! Officials Investigate Buttocks Shooting
Wed Apr 20, 2005 - The Associated Press

GRASS VALLEY, Calif. - Nevada County authorities were investigating a shooting that wounded a 29-year-old man in the buttocks and led officers to a large stash of marijuana and a wad of cash.  ¶ 10:13 PM

  First it was same-sex marriage. Now it's same-sex robbery... That Was No Lady, That Was a Bank Robber!
Apr 20, 2005 - AP

STERLING, Va. - There are bank robbers. There are cross-dressers. A suspect being sought apparently fits both descriptions.

The Loudoun County Sheriff's Office said Wednesday it is looking for a robber who walked into the Washington First Bank on Tuesday, handed a note to a teller and implied he had a weapon.

Investigators described the suspect as a 6-foot-3 man — wearing a flowery dress, a dark wig and white gloves  ¶ 10:10 PM

  I can't beat this headline. How about "Man Fires Back at Backfire"? Naw... They Shoot Horsepower, Don't They?
Wed Apr 20, 2005 - Reuters

Fed up with his troublesome car, a Florida man fired five rounds from a semi-automatic pistol into the hood of the 1994 Chrysler LeBaron.

"I'm putting my car out of its misery," 64-year-old John McGivney said after the incident outside an apartment building in Lauderdale-By-The-Sea, according to a police report that listed the car as "deceased."  ¶ 4:53 PM

  Just wanted a peanut butter sandwich... Elephants wreak havoc in restaurant
April 20, 2005 - Reuters

Six elephants escaped from a zoo and roamed around the South Korean capital on Wednesday, briefly crashing their way into a restaurant before being rounded up, police and zoo officials said.  ¶ 9:48 AM

  Bound to improve decision making... I've always wondered if sometimes headlines are written this way on purpose or whether it's just done without thinking:

Top Court to Hear Appeal on Hallucinogenic Tea
April 19, 2005 - Reuters  ¶ 9:26 AM

  Good advice, eh? Canadian Police Say Don't Lie on Road to Get Help
April 19, 2005 - Reuters

Police in a Vancouver suburb issued an unusual warning to drivers on Monday: If you run out fuel, do not lay down on the road to get assistance.

Police were alerted to a man's body laying along the Trans Canada Highway in the predawn darkness only to discover he was "quite alive," but that his car had run out of gas and he "wanted to attract someone's attention."  ¶ 9:23 AM

  Dog Deals with Stuck Duck Rubber Duck Removed from Dog After 5 Years
April 19, 2005 - Reuters

A rubber duck sat in a dog's stomach for five years before being removed by Swedish vets last week, a local newspaper said Tuesday.

The owner of the Apollo the Boxer dog assumed the toy had dissolved in his stomach over the years as it had not come out any other way, Daily paper Lanstidningen said.  ¶ 9:22 AM

  He can't blame it on a tough day at work... Wrong Bath Lands Policeman in Hot Water
April 19, 2005 - Reuters

A Japanese policeman returning from an evening's drinking has landed in hot water after climbing into a relaxing hot bath in someone else's house.

The 21-year-old officer from Nara, western Japan, was arrested and charged with unlawful entry after being discovered late Friday night in the bath tub of a house about 50 yards from his own, police said.

"I can't believe it wasn't my bath," NHK television quoted the policeman, who was off duty on the day of the incident, as telling investigators.  ¶ 9:18 AM

  Can you spell "malpractice"? Man Catches Fire During Surgery
Apr 18, 2005 Reuters

Seattle police launched an investigation on Friday to determine how a patient undergoing emergency heart surgery caught on fire at a local hospital in 2003.  ¶ 9:16 AM

  Would have a greater impact than hitting him with a chess piece Kasparov Hit Over Head With Chessboard
Sun Apr 17, 2005 - AP

MOSCOW - Garry Kasparov, the world's former No. 1 chess player who quit the professional game last month to focus on politics, said he had been hit over the head with a chessboard in a politically motivated attack.  ¶ 11:46 AM

  Will the Bumper Dumper be there? (See March 25 post.) Thailand to Host World Toilet Summit
Apr 14, 2005 - AP

BANGKOK, Thailand - Thailand plans to upgrade hygiene in its public toilets to meet international standards as it prepares to host the World Toilet Summit next year, a health official said Wednesday.

"Toilets are very important for the country's image in the eyes of visitors," said Somyos Chareonsak, a senior official of the Public Health Ministry.  ¶ 10:53 AM

  But can they do synchronized swimming? Crowds Drawn to Pig Olympics in China
April 13, 2005 - AP

SHANGHAI, China - These pigs run, jump and swim — almost anything but fly. Thousands of Shanghai residents have turned out to a city park to watch a herd of pigs compete in what organizers are calling the "Pig Olympics."

They run over hurdles, jump through hoops, dive and swim in shows twice a day, according to the Shanghai Daily newspaper.

The pigs, a midget species from Thailand, begin training soon after birth and can start performing after they are 12 months old.

"These lovely pigs are of a special species that is good at sports by nature," said Yang Ying, a manager with promoters Bluesea Broadway Co. Ltd.

Pig races are common in many places, but heavily urban Shanghai offers few opportunities to see farm animals in action.

"It's incredible," said 8-year-old Tan Yizhou, who presented a gold medal to one of the winning pigs. "I never thought that a pig could be so clever."  ¶ 11:48 AM

  Now, where did I put the other one?   ¶ 11:32 AM

  Almost as useful as a wi-fi locator... YOKOHAMA, Japan -- SolidAlliance Corp. Manager of Sales & Marketing Division Miwa Yoshida shows the firm's newest product GhostRader. The portable GhostRadar beeps and flashes red lights in response to unusual magnetic waves. The devise is recommended for spooky late nights alone at your computer, and for those curious about finding out if their sudden chills represent a supernatural visitor. (04/11/05 AP photo)
  ¶ 11:26 AM

  Okay, who wants to learn the Hokey Pokey?   ¶ 11:12 AM

  Your tax dollars at work? CONGRESSIONAL PORK

I'm not going to list things like I did last year. Instead, you should go to this site to download your own copy of the "Pig Book."

To show that I still care, I will give you the:

"Oinkers of 2005"

The Sapping the Taxpayers Award: for $6.3 million for wood utilization research.
The Halls of Shame Award: for $1.4 million for various Halls of Fame, including: $75,000 for the Greater Syracuse Sports Hall of Fame and $70,000 for the Paper Industry Hall of Fame.
The Goofy Earmark Award: for $300,000 for Anaheim Resort Transit (read: Disneyland) bus and bus facilities in the district of Rep. Loretta Sanchez (D-Calif.).
La Pork-a-Racha Award: for $25,000 for the Clark County School District in Nevada for curriculum development to study mariachi music.
The Up in Smoke Award: for $23.8 million in High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area Program grants.
The Fiscal Unfitness Award: for $6.7 million in YMCA funding.
The Hogzilla Award: to Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) for his $646 million in pork for Alaska.
The Crouching Tiger, Hidden Pork Award: for $100,000 for the Tiger Woods Foundation.
The Pirates on the Potomac Award: for $2 million for the buyback of the USS Sequoia Presidential Yacht.
The Burrowing a Hole in our Wallets Award: to Representative John Peterson (R-Pa.) for adding $100,000 for the Punxsutawney Weather Discovery Center Museum.
The Pig Dig Award: for $3.3 million for start-up operations at the Capitol Visitor Center.
The Flipping the Byrd at the Taxpayer Award: to Senator Robert Byrd (D-W. Va.) for his $399 million in pork for West Virginia.
The Don't Step in It Award: for $1.7 million for the International Fertilizer Development Association.
The Hog Heaven Award: for $8.2 million for the Fort Lewis Army Chapel, which offers diverse services for Christians, Jews, Muslims, and even Wiccans.  ¶ 12:35 PM

  But it's okay from your car... Woman Arrested for Blasting Rock Music
April 11, 2005 - AP

TOKYO - Japanese police arrested a 58-year-old woman for triggering insomnia and headaches in her next door neighbor by blasting rock music at her almost continuously for over two years.

She was arrested on suspicion of inflicting injury on the 64-year-old woman by playing loud, fast-paced dance music almost 24 hours a day on a portable stereo she had pointed at her neighbor's house 20 feet away.  ¶ 12:07 PM

  They stil cant spel! (See March 21)
Why don't they just give up?  ¶ 2:49 PM

  I'm starting to notice a pattern here... Handler Punished for Donning Camel Costume
April 8,2005 - AP

SYDNEY, Australia - Qantas Airways Ltd. on Friday suspended a baggage handler who was caught on video opening a passenger's bag which contained a camel costume, donning the head and wandering around the airport tarmac.  ¶ 10:07 AM

  You can fool all of the penguins some of the time, and some of the...
Emperor penguins look up at a giant imposter at Tokyo's Ueno Zoo, Japan. Zoo director Teruyuki Komiya dressed up for a stint in the penguin enclosure for the annual April Fool event to display a human being at the zoo.  ¶ 5:28 PM

  Cherry blossom time in DC...
No news, just views...  ¶ 2:01 PM

  Could be the subject of a Harvard economics study? Field Work Makes Vienna Smell Like a Barn
Wed Apr 6, 2005 - AP

VIENNA, Austria - Vienna stank Wednesday, after unusual weather patterns and the spread of fertilizer in nearby vineyards combined to make the city smell like a barnyard.

Though cow manure is used on nearby fields every year, a lack of wind this spring has prompted the smell to hang over the city, said Peter Riess, an air quality management official. City officials say they've had dozens of complaints.  ¶ 1:15 PM

  For those who always thought that economics was a bunch of bull... Professor Accused of Stealing Manure
Wed Apr 6, 2005 - AP

ROCKPORT, Mass. - A Harvard economics professor has been accused of neglecting the standard market practice of paying for goods and services by trying to steal a truckload of manure from a horse farmer.

Stable manager Phillip Casey says Martin Weitzman, Harvard University's Ernest E. Monrad Professor of Economics, has been stealing manure from Charlie Lane's Rockport farm for years.  ¶ 1:12 PM

  Praise the Lord and pass the mustard...
ST. PAUL, Neb. -- A honey-mustard pretzel that the seller, the Naylors, of St. Paul, Neb., believe is in the shape of the Virgin Mary holding the baby Jesus, shown in March 2005, in St. Paul, sold on eBay on Wednesday, March 9, 2005, for $10,600. Machelle Naylor's 12-year-old daughter, Crysta, said she discovered the pretzel while snacking and watching television with her family on Feb. 27. (03/09/05 AP Photo/The Grand Island Independent)  ¶ 5:37 PM

  Now, if we could just get them to put the toilet seats down when they're finished... Little Leaguers to Test Flush New Toilets
Thu Mar 31, 2005 - AP

MANCHESTER, N.H. - On Friday, Little Leaguers will get to test the new Fisher Cats Ballpark that's being built — but they won't be out on the field. Instead, they'll be in the bathrooms, making sure the toilets work.

Stadium managers have recruited the youngsters to flush all 103 of the new toilets to clear the system and make sure they're ready for opening day. Officials will use radios to coordinate the flushing, which will happen in a certain sequence, sort of like the wave.

As the team's manager notes, for whatever reason, young boys like to flush toilets.  ¶ 11:47 AM