You can't make stuff like this up! Courtesy of The Federalist Patriot:

"Caffeinated Cola May Make Kids Hyperactive" --WebMD.com

"Poll: Most Americans Want a Summer Vacation" --Associated Press

"Compliments Make a Woman Feel Better, Study Concludes" --Knight Ridder Tribune

"Experts Say Be Sensible With Pocket Pets" --Associated Press

"Experts Say Wormholes, Time Machines Unreliable" --Space.com

"Army Wants Soldiers to Get Used to Guns" --The State (Columbia, S.C.)  ¶ 3:00 PM