This week's headlines from the Federalist Patriot...

James Taranto's Newspulper Headlines...

Shameless Profiteering on Hurricane Souvenirs: "Disaster Price Tag for Katrina Balloons" —Associated Press

The Sky-High Prices Are Falling! The Sky-High Prices Are Falling!: "Sky-High Gas Prices to Fall Soon: Official" —Agence France-Presse

Help Wanted: "S.L. Police Seeking Armed Home Invaders" —Deseret News (Salt Lake City)

Who Says Public Schools Aren't Innovative?: "Classrooms Can Become a Teaching Tool" —Press & Sun-Bulletin (Binghamton, N.Y.)

Fill It Up, Man: "Grass Hailed as Potential Source of Clean Energy" —Reuters

Sorry, Maria: "Schwarzenegger to Decide on Gay Marriage" —Associated Press  ¶ 9:52 PM