This week's Federalist Patriot headlines...

James Taranto's Newspulper Headlines...

News From the Frontiers of Science: "Arctic Ice Melts Faster as It Gets Warmer" —Associated Press

What Will We Do With Experts?: "Experts Don't Know if Diet Prevents Cancer" —San Diego Union-Tribune

What Would Gulf Nations Do Without Emirates?: "Emirates: al-Qa'ida Threat to Gulf Nations" —Associated Press

Breaking News From 1973: "Nixon Alleges Price Gouging by Gas Stations" —St. Louis Business Journal

The Clintons Waited Till Their Last Day to Steal Furniture: "Justice Roberts Takes Supreme Court Bench" —Associated Press  ¶ 9:01 AM