James Taranto's Newspulper Headlines....

What Would Guantanamo Inmates Do Without Experts?: "Experts Want Access to Guantanamo Inmates"—headline, Associated Press, Oct. 31

What Would We Do Without Woody Allen?: "Woody Allen: I've Gained No Wisdom"—headline, CNN.com, Nov. 1

'Action,' Indeed!: "Cabinet Wants More Czech Babies: Experts welcome new family policy, say more action needed"—headline, Prague Post, Oct. 26

Tough Break, Pebbles: "Wilma Limits Trick-or-Treating in Fla."—headline, Associated Press, Oct. 31

Where's the Rest of Her?: "Father Accused of Breaking Daughter's Leg Out of Jail"—headline, Fox12 Oregon, KPTV-TV

He Might as Well Have Gone to a Mechanic: "Man Robbed While Working on His Vehicle"—headline, Columbia (Mo.) Daily Tribune, Oct. 31

Would You Buy a Used Car From This Man?: "Pope John Paul's 1975 Ford Sold for $690,000 at Auction"—headline, Associated Press, Oct. 31

Yeah, Man, Total Bummer: "Aust Prepared for Bird Flu Outbreak: Downer"—headline, Australian Broadcast Corp. Web site, Nov. 1

Thanks for the Tip!: "Health Tip: Winter Is Coming"—headline, HealthDayNews, Oct. 28

Better Than Stitches?: "Chewing Gum Speeds Surgery Recovery"—headline, HealthDayNews, Oct. 27

The Plutonium Diet Doesn't Work: "Finland Stomachs Nuclear Growth"—headline, Financial Times, Oct. 31  ¶ 8:36 PM