James Taranto's headlines...

What Would We Do Without Hot Air Balloon Experts?
"Hot Air Balloon Experts Say Safety Should Be First"--headline, KESQ-TV Web site (Palm Springs, Calif.), Dec. 21

What Would Teens Do Without Wisconsin Studies?
"Wisconsin Study: Teens Play It Safe but Still Take Risks"--headline, WAOW-TV Web site (Wausau, Wis.), Dec. 21

Thanks for the Tip!--XXVIII
"Health Tip: Teen Years Can Be Tough"--headline, HealthDayNews, Dec. 22

Give Me the Bad News First, Doc
"Study: Impotence Can Warn of Heart Disease"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 22

That's One Talented Calf
"Moose Captured After Son Plays Saxophone"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 20

Next They'll Count Moose With Saxophones
"India to Count Tigers With Computers"--headline, Reuters, Dec. 21

The First Thing We Do, Let's Kill All the Lawyers
"Lawyers: Don't Let Doctors Perform Executions"--headline, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Dec. 21  ¶ 9:12 PM