James Taranto's headlines...

What Would Accompany Cheese Without Experts?
"Use Ropey Old Plonk to Accompany Cheese, Experts Suggest"--headline, Guardian (London), Jan. 19

By Paying the Mortgage?
"Experts Tell How to Cut Foreclosures"--headline, Charlotte Observer, Jan. 18

It's Called 'Water'
"Study Finds Fire Retardant in Great Lakes"--headline, United Press International, Jan. 14

Only Because They Didn't Look Anywhere Else
"Students Find Housing On and Off Campus"--headline, Daily Texan (University of Texas at Austin), Jan. 18

Maybe July 4?
"Nintendo Sez Revolution Due in the US Before Thanksgiving"--headline, Engadget.com, Jan. 19

They Attend a Very Strict Church
"Two Women Charged With Transporting Guns to Mass."--headline, Boston Globe, Jan. 19

So Much for the Headache Excuse
"Aspirin Benefits Depend on Sex"--headline, MyDNA.com, Jan. 18  ¶ 8:54 PM