James Taranto's headlines...

That's Almost 1/76,425th of a Cent for Every Man, Woman and Child in America!
"The House gave final approval to a measure intended to trim $39 from the budget deficit over the next five years."--GovernmentGuide.com, Feb. 1

You Don't Say
"Brains of Young Adults Not Fully Mature"--headline, LiveScience.com, Feb. 6

Thanks for the Tip!--XLIV
"Health Tip: Stay Healthy After Menopause"--headline, HealthDayNews, Feb. 6

News You Can Use
"Paper Shredders May Hurt Kids' Hands"--headline, WebMD.com, Feb. 6

This Should Be in Genesis, Not Judges
"Judge to Decide Whether to Halt Ark. Project to Protect Bird"--headline, Log Cabin Democrat (Conway, Ark.), Feb. 7

Pretty Soon Skiers Will Be Extinct Too
"Deaths of 5 Skiers Stun Mammoth"--headline, Los Angeles Times, Feb. 6

Bottom Story of the Day
"Firefighter Twists Ankle While Battling Blaze"--headline, KPRC-TV Web site (Houston), Feb. 7  ¶ 12:20 PM