Have some James Taranto headlines...

What Would Truck Drivers With Little Sleep Do Without Studies?
"Truck Drivers With Little Sleep Perform Poorly, Study Shows"--headline, Philadelphia Inquirer, Aug. 21

As Phony as a Bill Worth One-Third Less
"Fannie Mae to Sell $4.5 Bills on Wednesday"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 21

HealthDay Gets Scooped Again
"Medical Advice: Know Your Shaman"--headline, Houston Chronicle, Aug. 16

Bottom Stories of the Day

"Clinton to Celebrate 60th Birthday With Family, Friends"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 18

"Prosecutors Won't Probe Madonna's Act"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 21

"Five Finnish Universities Again Among Top 500 in the World"--headline, Helsingin Sanomat (Helsinki), Aug. 18

"No Munitions Found at Site Near Chanute"--headline, News-Gazette (Champaign-Urbana, Ill.), Aug. 18

"Stolen Banjo Surfaces on eBay, Much to Musician's Delight"--headline, WTOP radio Web site (Washington), Aug. 21

"Diana Was Not Pregnant, Says Mortuary Manager"--headline, Times (London), Aug. 19

"New Jersey Man Gets Gas Pains on Visit to Area"--headline, Times Herald (Olean, N.Y.), Aug. 17

"Hillary Clinton Setting Up for Presidential Run"--headline, Agence France-Presse, Aug. 20  ¶ 5:20 PM