Thank you, James Taranto...

What Would Many Do Without Studies?
"Study: Medical Instructions Stump Many"--headline, Associated Press, Sept. 6

Assault With a Dead Weapon
"Woman Found Guilty of Hitting Another Woman With Dead Puppy"--headline, Houston Chronicle (story from St. Louis Post-Dispatch), Sept. 7

Who Knew He Even Spoke Beinish?
"Katsav Won't Swear in Beinish"--headline, Jerusalem Post, Sept. 6

Now That They're Famous, They Just Eat Junk
"Stars Used to Rate Foods for Nutrition"--headline, Associated Press, Sept. 7

News You Can Use
"Parents Should Stay Involved in Kids' Education"--headline, Arizona Republic, Sept. 6

Bottom Stories of the Day:

"NASA to Decide When to Launch Shuttle"--headline, Associated Press, Sept. 7

"Arkansas Cow Has Fourth Set of Triplets"--headline, Associated Press, Sept. 7

"Bank of Canada Leaves Interest Rate Unchanged"--headline, CBC News, Sept. 6

"Karl Rove Won't Be Frog-Marched Across White House Lawn"--headline, FoxNews.com, Sept. 5  ¶ 5:44 PM