What would I do if I didn't have James Taranto to copy?

'Give Peace a Chance,' the a Capella Version
"Quartet Backs Palestinian Efforts"--headline, BBC Web site, Sept. 20

They're Relieved It Won't Be Sooner
"9/11 Workers to Be Autopsied When They Die"--headline, MSNBC.com, Sept. 20

The People vs. Sesame Street
"Lawyers Debate What Letter Comes After K"--headline, Concord (N.H.) Monitor, Sept. 21

Not Quite Living Up to the Hype
"Human Stem Cells Help Blinded Rats"--headline, Reuters, Sept. 20

The Evilmewers of al Qitty
"Man Jailed for Beheading Girlfriend's Kitten"--headline, CNN.com, Sept. 20

'Damn, This Thing's Heavy'
"Senate Weighs 700-Mile Fence Along Border"--headline, Associated Press, Sept. 21

News You Can Use
"Drivers: Don't Cross the Line"--headline, Herald Times Reporter (Manitowoc, Wis.), Sept. 21

Thanks for the Tip!--CV
"Health Tip: Be Careful Choosing Which Bleach"--headline, HealthDay.com, Sept. 21

Bottom Stories of the Day:

"McDonald's May Offer Breakfast Menu All Day Long"--headline, FoxNews.com, Sept. 20

"Nanticoke Officials Will Examine Their To-Do List"--headline, Citizens' Voice (Wilkes-Barre, Pa.), Sept. 21

"No Wedding 'Today' for Richmond Couple"--headline, Richmond Times-Dispatch, Sept. 21

"Dog Bites Woman"--headline, Des Moines Register, Sept. 21  ¶ 2:27 PM