A dose of James Taranto today...

Don't Tell His Wife
"Husband Mourns Slain N.J. Prostitute"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 25

'Hey, I Know You! You're the Brat Who Dialed 911!'
"Five-Year-Old Recognized for Dialing 911"--headline, Kalona (Iowa) News, Nov. 21

The Studio in Fairbanks Was Closed
"Arctic Gull Recorded in Southern Calif."--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 24

Fond Thanksgiving Memories
"Ohio Firm Recalls Turkey and Ham"--headline, Reuters, Nov. 24

Stripes Were Fashionable Last Year
"Testicle Checks 'Now More Common' "--headline, BBC.co.uk, Nov. 26

News You Can Use:

"Don't Rake Leaves to Clog Storm Drains"--headline, Asbury Park (N.J.) Press, Nov. 25

"Cheer Up: You Hold Key to Being Happy"--headline, Seattle Times, Nov. 27

Bottom Stories of the Day:

"AWOL Soldier Says Army Ignoring Him"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 25

"Phil Donahue Makes Anti-War Film"--headline, FoxNews.com, Nov. 27

"Protester Immolation Virtually Unnoticed"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 26

"Yoko Ono Calls for World Peace"--headline, News.com.au, Nov. 27  ¶ 4:23 PM