Some James Taranto headlines...

What Would We Do Without Crash Tests?
"Smaller Cars Perform Poorly in Crash Test"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 19

They're Tired of Rooting for the Arizona Cardinals
"Vatican Mulls Fielding Football Team"--headline, Agence France-Presse, Dec. 18

Let's See . . . Wings?
"One Key to Bird Flight Discovered"--headline, LiveScience.com, Dec. 18

Smart Kidnappers, Foolish Choices
"Suspected Smart Kidnapper Yells at Judge"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 18

Fitch Walks Free
"Abercrombie Gets 15 Months"--headline, Sarasota (Fla.) Herald-Tribune, Dec. 18

Bottom Stories of the Day:

"Actress Enters Drug Rehab Program"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 19

"City Doesn't Act on Rezoning"--headline, Herald Times (Manitowoc, Wis.), Dec. 19

"Sean Penn: Impeach George W. Bush, Dick Cheney"--headline, FoxNews.com, Dec. 19

"France Beats a Retreat"--headline, Chicago Sun-Times, Dec. 18  ¶ 4:27 PM