Headline time...from James Taranto...

That's Not the Sort of Thing You Forget
"Justice Appointed by Ford Remembers the Late President"--headline, ABCNews.com, Jan. 2

They Still Blow Up When You Step on Them
"U.S. Mines Still Not Safe Enough, Experts Say"--headline, MSNBC.com, Jan. 2

Very Cold, 100% Chance of Darkness
"Scientist Works to Predict Space Weather"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 2

This Just In
"Binge Drinking Rampant Among College Students"--headline, HealthDay.com, Jan. 2

News You Can Use:

"Programmers to Blame for Hard-to-Use Software"--headline, Reuters, Jan. 2

"In Kidnapping, Finesse Works Best"--headline, Reuters, Jan. 1

Bottom Stories of the Day:

"Roofer Moves From Toronto to Indy"--headline, Indianapolis Star, Jan. 2

"Unidentified Goat Found"--headline, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Jan. 2

"Straw Goat Survives Christmas Unharmed"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 2

"Doherty and Moss 'Not Married' "--headline, Courier-Mail (Queensland, Australia), Jan. 3  ¶ 5:15 PM