never mind...
Monday, August 28, 2006
James Taranto's headlines...
Fun With Dick and Jane
"Cat Catches Bat, Bat Has Rabies, Bat Put Down"--headline, RadioIowa.com, Aug. 25
Hard to Believe Anyone Was Looking at Their Eyebrows
"Nude Teens Raise Eyebrows in Vermont Town"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 24
If You Want to Keep Something Precious, Got to Lock It Up and Throw Away the Key
"Sting Rounds Up 25 Foreigners for Sex Crimes"--headline, WorldNetDaily, Aug. 25
How It Got in the Disguise We'll Never Know
"Crooks Rob Bank Disguised as Construction Workers"--headline, WTTG-TV Web site (Washington), Aug. 24
'The Bad News Is, I'm a Little Bit Pregnant'
"Partial Victory for Morning After Pill"--headline, Detroit Free Press, Aug. 25
News You Can Use
"TRAVELER'S CHECK: If You Live Near Airport, Expect Noise"--headline, Arkansas Democrat Gazette (Northwest Arkansas edition), Aug. 28
Bottom Stories of the Day
"Canoe Flips, Canoeists OK"--headline, WOOD-TV Web site (Grand Rapids, Mich.), Aug. 26
"Lee Overcomes Sniffles"--headline, Columbus Dispatch, Aug. 27
"Farmers' Almanac Predicts a Cold Winter"--headline, Boston Globe, Aug. 28
"Former US President Carter 'Disappointed' With Blair"--headline, Voice of America Web site, Aug. 27 ¶ 5:14 PM
"Cat Catches Bat, Bat Has Rabies, Bat Put Down"--headline, RadioIowa.com, Aug. 25
Hard to Believe Anyone Was Looking at Their Eyebrows
"Nude Teens Raise Eyebrows in Vermont Town"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 24
If You Want to Keep Something Precious, Got to Lock It Up and Throw Away the Key
"Sting Rounds Up 25 Foreigners for Sex Crimes"--headline, WorldNetDaily, Aug. 25
How It Got in the Disguise We'll Never Know
"Crooks Rob Bank Disguised as Construction Workers"--headline, WTTG-TV Web site (Washington), Aug. 24
'The Bad News Is, I'm a Little Bit Pregnant'
"Partial Victory for Morning After Pill"--headline, Detroit Free Press, Aug. 25
News You Can Use
"TRAVELER'S CHECK: If You Live Near Airport, Expect Noise"--headline, Arkansas Democrat Gazette (Northwest Arkansas edition), Aug. 28
Bottom Stories of the Day
"Canoe Flips, Canoeists OK"--headline, WOOD-TV Web site (Grand Rapids, Mich.), Aug. 26
"Lee Overcomes Sniffles"--headline, Columbus Dispatch, Aug. 27
"Farmers' Almanac Predicts a Cold Winter"--headline, Boston Globe, Aug. 28
"Former US President Carter 'Disappointed' With Blair"--headline, Voice of America Web site, Aug. 27 ¶ 5:14 PM
Monday, August 21, 2006
Have some James Taranto headlines...
What Would Truck Drivers With Little Sleep Do Without Studies?
"Truck Drivers With Little Sleep Perform Poorly, Study Shows"--headline, Philadelphia Inquirer, Aug. 21
As Phony as a Bill Worth One-Third Less
"Fannie Mae to Sell $4.5 Bills on Wednesday"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 21
HealthDay Gets Scooped Again
"Medical Advice: Know Your Shaman"--headline, Houston Chronicle, Aug. 16
Bottom Stories of the Day
"Clinton to Celebrate 60th Birthday With Family, Friends"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 18
"Prosecutors Won't Probe Madonna's Act"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 21
"Five Finnish Universities Again Among Top 500 in the World"--headline, Helsingin Sanomat (Helsinki), Aug. 18
"No Munitions Found at Site Near Chanute"--headline, News-Gazette (Champaign-Urbana, Ill.), Aug. 18
"Stolen Banjo Surfaces on eBay, Much to Musician's Delight"--headline, WTOP radio Web site (Washington), Aug. 21
"Diana Was Not Pregnant, Says Mortuary Manager"--headline, Times (London), Aug. 19
"New Jersey Man Gets Gas Pains on Visit to Area"--headline, Times Herald (Olean, N.Y.), Aug. 17
"Hillary Clinton Setting Up for Presidential Run"--headline, Agence France-Presse, Aug. 20 ¶ 5:20 PM
"Truck Drivers With Little Sleep Perform Poorly, Study Shows"--headline, Philadelphia Inquirer, Aug. 21
As Phony as a Bill Worth One-Third Less
"Fannie Mae to Sell $4.5 Bills on Wednesday"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 21
HealthDay Gets Scooped Again
"Medical Advice: Know Your Shaman"--headline, Houston Chronicle, Aug. 16
Bottom Stories of the Day
"Clinton to Celebrate 60th Birthday With Family, Friends"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 18
"Prosecutors Won't Probe Madonna's Act"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 21
"Five Finnish Universities Again Among Top 500 in the World"--headline, Helsingin Sanomat (Helsinki), Aug. 18
"No Munitions Found at Site Near Chanute"--headline, News-Gazette (Champaign-Urbana, Ill.), Aug. 18
"Stolen Banjo Surfaces on eBay, Much to Musician's Delight"--headline, WTOP radio Web site (Washington), Aug. 21
"Diana Was Not Pregnant, Says Mortuary Manager"--headline, Times (London), Aug. 19
"New Jersey Man Gets Gas Pains on Visit to Area"--headline, Times Herald (Olean, N.Y.), Aug. 17
"Hillary Clinton Setting Up for Presidential Run"--headline, Agence France-Presse, Aug. 20 ¶ 5:20 PM
Sick of Lawsuits? Watch this...
Stop the advertising lawyers from ruining our civil justice system... ¶ 1:13 PM
Stop the advertising lawyers from ruining our civil justice system... ¶ 1:13 PM
Monday, August 07, 2006
Time for James Taranto's newspaper headlines...
What Would We Do Without Analyses?
"Analysis: Mideast Conflict Complicated"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 4
We Didn't Know Mountains Were Bad
"Taller Mountains Blamed on Global Warming, Too"--headline, LiveScience.com, Aug. 4
You Don't Say
"Cooler Air Brings Relief From Heat Wave"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 4
None of Us Are Getting Any Younger:
"S.F.'s Homeless Aging on the Street"--headline, San Francisco Chronicle, Aug. 4
"Astronomers Say Universe May Be Bigger and Older"--headline, Los Angeles Times, Aug. 5
Despite Increasing Crime, Prison Population Declines!
"Mass Pardon for Convicts in Italy Leads to a Crime Wave"--headline, Independent (London), Aug. 6
Uhhh, Maybe Because They Don't Like Being in Prison?
"Why Do Prisoners Keep Breaking Out?"--headline, "Good Morning America" section, ABCNews.com, Aug. 5
News You Can Use
"Travellers Are Cautioned to Be Aware of French Donkeys That Are Derailing Trains"--headline, Polish Outlook, August 2006
What Would We Do Without Studies?
"Study: NYC Street Fairs All the Same"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 6
What Would Teens Do Without Sexual Lyrics?
"Sexual Lyrics Prompt Teens to Have Sex"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 7
We're Pretty Sure It Doesn't Work on Men
"Sen. George Allen Turns to Plan B"--headline, News Virginian (Waynesboro, Va.), Aug. 6
A Modest Proposal
"Kobayashi Sets Brat-Eating Record"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 5
Bottom Stories of the Day
"N.H. Woman Bakes Cookies on Dashboard"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 3
"Bicyclist Won't Face Misdemeanor Charge"--headline, Seattle Times, Aug. 5
"Selah Woman Relieved to Recover Pet Tortoise"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 7
"Iraq Protester Sheehan Returns to Crawford"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 6 ¶ 6:10 PM
"Analysis: Mideast Conflict Complicated"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 4
We Didn't Know Mountains Were Bad
"Taller Mountains Blamed on Global Warming, Too"--headline, LiveScience.com, Aug. 4
You Don't Say
"Cooler Air Brings Relief From Heat Wave"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 4
None of Us Are Getting Any Younger:
"S.F.'s Homeless Aging on the Street"--headline, San Francisco Chronicle, Aug. 4
"Astronomers Say Universe May Be Bigger and Older"--headline, Los Angeles Times, Aug. 5
Despite Increasing Crime, Prison Population Declines!
"Mass Pardon for Convicts in Italy Leads to a Crime Wave"--headline, Independent (London), Aug. 6
Uhhh, Maybe Because They Don't Like Being in Prison?
"Why Do Prisoners Keep Breaking Out?"--headline, "Good Morning America" section, ABCNews.com, Aug. 5
News You Can Use
"Travellers Are Cautioned to Be Aware of French Donkeys That Are Derailing Trains"--headline, Polish Outlook, August 2006
What Would We Do Without Studies?
"Study: NYC Street Fairs All the Same"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 6
What Would Teens Do Without Sexual Lyrics?
"Sexual Lyrics Prompt Teens to Have Sex"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 7
We're Pretty Sure It Doesn't Work on Men
"Sen. George Allen Turns to Plan B"--headline, News Virginian (Waynesboro, Va.), Aug. 6
A Modest Proposal
"Kobayashi Sets Brat-Eating Record"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 5
Bottom Stories of the Day
"N.H. Woman Bakes Cookies on Dashboard"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 3
"Bicyclist Won't Face Misdemeanor Charge"--headline, Seattle Times, Aug. 5
"Selah Woman Relieved to Recover Pet Tortoise"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 7
"Iraq Protester Sheehan Returns to Crawford"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 6 ¶ 6:10 PM
