Get rich slow scheme...

Belgians Take Coke Bottles to Netherlands
Tue Feb 28, 11:22 AM ET

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Thrifty Belgians are causing a headache for Dutch supermarkets by gathering large numbers of plastic Coca Cola bottles and bringing them across the border to the Netherlands to collect the deposit, Dutch media reported Tuesday.

The scheme takes advantage of a recent move by Coke's Dutch arm to introduce new bottles that are identical to the ones used in Belgium — but the Dutch bottles carry a euro0.25 (US$0.30) deposit.  ¶ 4:33 PM

  Today's double dose of James Taranto...

We Suppose Anything Would Have Been an Improvement
"Madonna Better After Horse Accident"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 27

Put Some Clothes On!
"We Should Not Condone Naked Lawyer-Bashing"--headline, Scotsman, Feb. 28

Better Than a Clown Suit
"Circus Company Goes on Trial in Spy Suit"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 27

Will a Small Businessman Step Up?
"Giant Executive Stepping Down"--headline, Baltimore Sun, Feb. 28

Is Indonesia Really That Bad?
"Muslim Terrorist Sentenced to Life in Indonesia"--headline, Jerusalem Post, Feb. 27

Thanks for the Tip!
"Health Tip: Exercise Is Good for You"--headline, HealthDayNews, Feb. 20

Bottom Story of the Day
"Witnesses Reported Seeing Nothing Unusual . . ."--headline, Reuters, Feb. 27  ¶ 4:29 PM

  James Taranto's headlines...

What Would We Do Without Men Shot by Vice President Cheney?
"Man shot by Vice President Cheney says accidents happen"--subheadline, MSNBC.com, Feb. 17

Israel Was Doing It Before It Was Cool
"Egypt Cool to Clamp Down on Hamas"--headline, Arizona Republic, Feb. 22

So Where Did They Entomb the Survivors?
"No Survivors in Primary School Entombed in Mud"--headline, Independent (London), Feb. 20

What Would Landslide-Hit Villages Do Without Experts?
"Landslide-Hit Village Was Disaster About to Happen--Experts"--headline, INQ7.net (Philippines), Feb. 23

Perhaps Because They Usually Don't Die at the Same Time?
"Why Spouses Often Die One After Other"--headline, Arizona Republic, Feb. 16

Hey, Who Took the Kleenex?
"Four Indicted in Case of Tissue Theft"--headline, NPR.org, Feb. 23

Thanks for the Tip!--L
"Health Tip: Get Some Sleep"--headline, HealthDayNews, Feb. 17  ¶ 11:57 AM

  Now this is a REAL fat cat...

'Monster' Cat In China Weighs 33 Pounds

A 33-pound cat in Qingdao, China, is being described as a "feline monster" because of its 31-inch waist and large size, according to a report.

The 9-year-old cat from the Shandong Province is so heavy it needs the help of its owner to get onto a bed. However, the cat is in surprisingly good health despite its weight, Local 6 News reported.  ¶ 9:47 AM

  Today's contribution of James Taranto headlines...

But Only Among Little Green Men
"Cocoa May Help Reduce Heart Disease, Cancer, Mars Study Shows"--headline, Bloomberg.com, Feb. 9

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
"Bullied Mice Show Brain Reacts to Stress"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 9

Global Warming Strikes Again
"Lion and Llama Freeze to Death in Macedonia Zoo"--headline, PlanetArk.com, Feb. 10

Brokebeak Mountain
"Germany's Gay Zoo Penguins Still Fending Off Female Advances"--headline, Agence France-Presse, Feb. 8

Senate Dems Imitate the Beatles

"If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
"If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
"If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
"If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet."
--"Taxman" by George Harrison, 1966

"Senate Dems Propose, Endorse Tax on Water Use"--headline, Times (Trenton, N.J.), Feb. 10

Achoo! Thanks for the Tip--XLVI
"Health Tip: Avoid the Common Cold"--headline, HealthDayNews, Feb. 10

You Don't Say
"A Strong Marriage Can Help Create a Happy Family"--headline, Ithaca (N.Y.) Journal, Feb. 10

Bottom Story of the Day
"Anti-War Mom Sheehan Will Not Run for Senate"--headline, Reuters, Feb. 9  ¶ 9:16 PM

  James Taranto's headlines...

That's Almost 1/76,425th of a Cent for Every Man, Woman and Child in America!
"The House gave final approval to a measure intended to trim $39 from the budget deficit over the next five years."--GovernmentGuide.com, Feb. 1

You Don't Say
"Brains of Young Adults Not Fully Mature"--headline, LiveScience.com, Feb. 6

Thanks for the Tip!--XLIV
"Health Tip: Stay Healthy After Menopause"--headline, HealthDayNews, Feb. 6

News You Can Use
"Paper Shredders May Hurt Kids' Hands"--headline, WebMD.com, Feb. 6

This Should Be in Genesis, Not Judges
"Judge to Decide Whether to Halt Ark. Project to Protect Bird"--headline, Log Cabin Democrat (Conway, Ark.), Feb. 7

Pretty Soon Skiers Will Be Extinct Too
"Deaths of 5 Skiers Stun Mammoth"--headline, Los Angeles Times, Feb. 6

Bottom Story of the Day
"Firefighter Twists Ankle While Battling Blaze"--headline, KPRC-TV Web site (Houston), Feb. 7  ¶ 12:20 PM

  What would we do without James Taranto's newspulper headlines?

Headlines We'd Like to See
"Gore Calms Down After Tasting Fame"--headline, Arizona Republic, Feb. 3

Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone!
"Mayor Michael Bloomberg . . . anonymously donated $100 million Thursday to Johns Hopkins University to support stem cell research. . . . A person familiar with his philanthropy confirmed the latest $100 million gift on condition of anonymity, citing Bloomberg's desire for privacy."--Associated Press, Feb. 2

'Do You Solemnly Swear--Ah, Heck, You Know the Drill'
"Black, Decker Receive Elections Board Subpoenas to Testify"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 2

What Would Small Children Do Without Grand Juries?
"Tasers Not Recommended to Subdue Small Children, Grand Jury Says"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 2

We Blame the Neocon Cabal
"Don't Blame the Vultures for Devouring What's Dead"--headline, Houston Chronicle, Feb. 3

But Is There Spumoni on Mars?
"Water Ice Detected on Comet's Surface"--headline, Space.com, Feb. 2

Bottom Story of the Day
"Road Salt May Be Sickening Alaska Pigeons"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 1  ¶ 4:13 PM

  This is no joke...

...just another get-rich-quick scheme. If you think Americans have gone completely overboard with the idea that they should grab the brass ring with lawsuits and need an example to fortify your suspicion, here it is: a guy who is "surprised" that he might suffer hearing loss by listening to music with earphones...

Man Sues Apple Over Potential Hearing Loss

By DAN GOODIN
The Associated Press
Wednesday, February 1, 2006; 11:37 PM

SAN FRANCISCO -- A Louisiana man claims in a lawsuit that Apple's iPod music player can cause hearing loss in people who use it.

Apple has sold more than 42 million of the devices since they went on sale in 2001, including 14 million in the fourth quarter last year. The devices can produce sounds of more than 115 decibels, a volume that can damage the hearing of a person exposed to the sound for more than 28 seconds per day, according to the complaint.

The iPod players are "inherently defective in design and are not sufficiently adorned with adequate warnings regarding the likelihood of hearing loss," according to the complaint, filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court in San Jose, Calif., on behalf of John Kiel Patterson of Louisiana.  ¶ 2:14 PM